My mom and me

its been a while since I have wrote anything, I have been in deep depression at times, but have effectually hide it, I have two daughters that I do not want them to remember me as "the depressed mom" but have been worried about my mom, she has been getting very bad reports from then doctors, they think her cancer has come back, and my wonderful mom as usual is so very strong, so full of amazing faith, she said if she always got a good report then God would not have anything to heal, she doesn't want to take treatments, that way when God heals her He will get all the glory for healing her. I agree, I almost always agree with her, she is the fabric of my being, she is my sunshine, she truly is, I love her so very much, I can't even allow myself to think about living without her, she's the scent to every beautiful flower I see!
     I have always been amazed by her ability to love me no matter what, when I have been really bad, she still loved me, when I'm good she loves me, but it takes more effort to love one thats bad.
     I have watched her serve the Lord all of my life, I could only hope to live in her tracks, I could never be as amazing, just never:(
     She's going for a biopsy tomorrow, it will tell the tale, but I don't know if I want to know, if its the cancer back, I would rather not know until she's healed, lol. I know I don't want to go through the hard part, but I will, and I will love her the entire way.
     Mom the things you have taught me I will cherish for all of my days, I love you so very much, you will never know, I have not told you near enough how much you mean to me, you are my sunshine, I just don't know if the sun would ever shine for me again without you:( I have one thing and one thing only to bring comfort, I know how much you love the Lord, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you will go to heaven someday, I hope that day is so far off, I need you mommy, I can't imagine not having you, I can't imagine my little girls not having you, little Raina thinks there's nothing in this world like you mommy:) She has the best grandmother in the world, and Jada is starting to want to call you, and want to come and see you, she's sad in a way, really Jada has no one but me and Tom, she has another living grandmother, but one that has nothing to do with her, never asks about her, never even sends her a little card, my little Jada, she has to know you, she will never forget what a great grandmother you are:)
     I'm not good with words and telling someone face to face how much they mean to me, but you are my everything, I always want you to know how much your love has meant to me, in my darkest days, I always knew I was not totally alone in this world because of you, I  knew I had no one at times, not a sister, a brother, a friend, but I knew I had you, no matter how bad It seemed that I was, you never turned your back on me, and for that I thank you, it gave me the strength to try to be a better mom to my girls, it gave me the strength to seek help for my problems, only because of you, always being there.
     I will never ever turn my back on my little girls, no matter what they may do, I will be there for them, you were me and I will be for them. I know there were times when everyone wanted you to walk away and turn your back on me, but you never did, and thats what eventually brought me around, so again, I love you so dearly, thank you for being my mom. Thank God for picking you to be my mom, just to have you has been worth all the bad things I have endured, you were the bright spot in the darkest of days for me:) 
                              your daughter, 
                                                Vanessa (Moselle) love you:-)